Cocaine Nosejob

I love You..

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 22:41:09 GMT

Everything has been so magical lately I just havent had time to write. Zach and I are doing so well. I never thought it was possible to love someone so fucking much. I am so in love. He is my everything.-And I dont even feel weak saying so. But I just wanted to pop in real quick and let everyone know. Hes on his way from work so I better hop in the shower. <3

Dietary Affairs

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 02:01:13 GMT

Im floating on clouds.

Zach called me on his break at work. Maybe Im just excited because I feel like Im in control. MAybe I over analyze everything... I wish my moods didnt depend so much on guys...but its okay for now. Because for now Im great.

x x x
Pass me a drink.

numb numb numb

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 23:23:34 GMT

I really feel numb. Or I guess I dont feel numb I just dont feel at all.

Ive been talking to this guy, Zach, and he really likes me, so he says. But I dont know how I feel about him. I like the attention and I like the way he looks. I like the way he kisses me. But is that him? I cant tell.

Anthony, one of my Exs called today. Supposedly He falls deeper in love ever time we speak. I cant help but call bulshiit. Hes leaving for Chicago Sunday and wants me to see him before hand. I dont know. I dont really care to. Or maybe I do? I just dont know.

Seth, Mr SS in my entries, wants to be good friends and have sex from time to time because our lives are boring and "we can pretend like we're filling voids." Fuck that! I did like him. I know I did. But Ive been used enough.

Maybe being with Zach wouldnt be bad at all. Hes super sweet and I think hes just as crazy as I am. He took me to school today, he doesnt even go to school!! He bought me cigarettes and a chocolate shake, boy he knows how to get to my heart!

Im jsut in a bad mood...thats all.

Tyler comes home from Texas this weekend, Im excited. Thats kinda why Im putting things on hold with Zach...Tyler makes me really happy. But I know he doesnt want to be with me. Maybe I dont want to be with him either. Im not sure.

I sound like the biggest slut. Fuck it. I dont care anymore.

Schools getting to me a bit. People there are so harsh. None of them like me. Some one told me I looked like a lesbian today-whatever. He said a pretty lesbian. Guys are soooo dumb. I need a nap so I can pretend liek I am craddled in some ones arms.
My nose is stuffy and clogged. I feel like shit. I wish some one would come hold me and not expect anything more. Just lay there with me.

survey

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 06:15:52 GMT

Body: Taken from :
bonnieblue

LET'S BE HONEST NOW!!

In the last 24 Hours have you...

1. Had sex:--no

2. Bought something:--no
3. Gotten sick:--no
4. Sang:--yes
5. Been kissed:--no
6. ate something:--yes, tators
7. Felt stupid:--yes
8. Talked to an ex:--yes
9. Missed someone:--meh
10. Hugged someone:--yes, kayla

Last person who....

1. Slept in your bed:--Kayla...lol
2. Saw you cry :--Josh Penelle
3. Made you cry:--S.S.
4. You went to the movies with:--Justin and Kayla
5. You went to the mall with:--Kayla, i think
6. One thing you could take back:--my age

Have You Ever...

1. Said "I Love You" and meant it:--To my dog.
2. Got in a fight with your pet:--WHAT THE FUCK? yeah, i kick her around all the time!
3. Been to California:--i will
4. Been to Mexico:--newp
5. Been to China:--newp
6. Been to Canada:--newp
7. Been to Europe:--newp
8. Wished you were the opposite sex:--for a weekend...long enough to stick my dick in the mayo jar and put it back in the fridge and be inside a girl and a guy...lol...i think about this a lot.

Random...

1. Do you have a crush on someone:--if you say you dont your lying...
2. What book are you reading now:--i dont know what its called its down stairs. ts a diary of poems.
3. Worst feeling in the world:--failure,rejection
4. Future KIDS names:--Karma Kay, Bettie Paige, Zim Michael
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal:--i cuddle with my pilla or Kayla
6. What's under your bed:--ONLY GAWD KNOWS WHAT!!!
7. Favorite sport to watch:--i dont care fir jocks or sports...
8. Location:--IN
9. Piercing/Tattoos:--ears 14 times and belly used to be twic but now just once and an ugly scar
10. Do you drink:--YEEEES!!!
11. What are you most scared of right now:--Humf,being pushed through a screen door like play-do through a plastic spaghetti maker that fisher price makes.
12. Where do you want to get married:--meh-i dunno.
13. Who do you really hate:--people ignoring me,white trash,close minded people,adptible girls,CENETGROVEHIGHSCHOOL and liars
14. Do you have a job:--nope
15. Do you like being around people:--yes
16. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with?:--yes
17. Have you ever cried:--yes
18. Are you lonely right now:--nahhh...
19. Song that's stuck in your head a lot:--Roseanne theme song.

Have you Ever:

1. Been in love:-- whos to know these days?
2. Played strip poker:--yes
3. Gotten beaten up:--I REFUUUUSE! i'll kick yo ass fo askin', ho!
4. Done an all-nighter:--trying to now but yes, many times before.
5. Been on radio/TV:--newp
6.Been in a mosh-pit:--yeppa yeppa-DILLENGERS EXCAPE PLAN'swas the best mosh ever!
7. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends:--tons
8. Skinny dipped:--ahahahahaha....i do own a pooooool

The Cosby Show

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 03:28:20 GMT

No, actually school wasnt that bad. It went by really fast, which is nice. =)

I looked pretty cute today which is a rarity for school days. Waking up at five and all.

Kayla comes home tomorrow. We cant hang out til Friday. But thats okay.
-We have a goal this weekend, Kayla and I, TO FIND KATIE(<--me) A J-O-B!
Why do people always spell it out? Like a curse word. Dumb fucks.

Im kinda looking foward to school again tomorrow, its something to do. Something to occupy the ever turning wheels in my head.

I had a long talk about revolution and evolution with dad today. His talks are the best when hes drunk. No joke. I tressure the times when we actually get along. Him and I are so much alike.

Well I have to pee. Night.

Mashed Tators

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 19:39:22 GMT

Didnt wake up til one. Mom and Dad are being jerks about me eating. I mean I do eat...Im just really picky.

Sometimes I wish I could eat like a normal human, burger after burger after burger. Sometimes I wish I could get hungry three times a day, but I dont anymore.

I think I feel sorry for myself way to often. Well thats what Mom says, but its hard not to mope around when your so missunderstood. None of this maks sense to you, Im sure. Thats okay. I dont o this for you, I do it for me.

I miss Kayla. Shes in TN until Sunday night. I miss her a lot, actually. Shes the one that always makes me feel so so special. I bet Id eat for her...Like normal food, if she asked. Maybe I wouldnt. Im not sure.

School starts Monday, woot! Hopefully I can keep a possitive frame of mind. Im gonna try. =)

Ive been thinking about just leaving...picking up and going and never coming back. But theyd find me. They always do. Then Id end up in juvy and theyd get me fat there. If i wouldnt eat there Im sure theyd send me somewhere else. Im fixing my entries to friends only starting today. I dont want anyone else else to know my bussiness. <--if I could spell.

JUSTIN-WRITE ME?!

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 06:59:10 GMT

The displeased concert was awesome. They got banned from Logos...the venue...for drinking there. Ahaha! niiiice, Tyler.

Tyler was super sweet. A charming drunk.

He might be moving...to Texas, soon. Its a SS all over again. Guys suck.

Anywho, Iv been concidering emancipation. I plan on looking into it. Ive already emailed a lawyer. Maybe Im just bored with my life and want to do what I want...if that makes sense. I alreday have two placs to live, possible three. I dont think its a bad idea. I think Id truely be hapier taking care of myself. Meh-I dunno. I'll keep you updated. <3

Roseanne theme song

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 07:24:31 GMT

I feel bad.

Kayla, Im sorry Im always so controlling torward you. Its just I see you deserving better friends...I know that sounds bad. Whatever. You know I love you.

I really need to sleep. Work is tomorrow. Ew. And its late. Night.

DISPLEASED FRIDAY! eeek! SO EXCITED.

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 00:54:47 GMT

So my entry intotled ''I HATE SS''...Hes coming back...to town to stay.

I dont know ho I feel about it. I think I wish he wasnt. But sometims Im glad he is?

I wont do it. I wont be weak again. I dont want to be down on myself because of him.I can do that, no help needed.

I do miss him. But lets let it b a secret between you and I. He'd think I was weak. But like I said, he will not be given a second chance, not over my dead body...thats just not possible. I cant be taht stupid twice.

Mean are idiots.

PS
I really like a boy...and that helps a little.

INCREDIBLE

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 05:33:21 GMT

I feel so incredible.

I feel like I could conquer the would-here and now.

Starting from zero I got nothing to loss.
Me, myself Ive got nothin' to prove.
=)

I finally see what it is to be living.

"See my old mans gotta a problem,'Stay with the bottle, thats the way it is'. Says, 'his bodies to old for working', his bodies too old to look like his. Mama went off and left him. theres more in the world he could get. "

That used to make me so sad. It reminds me of dad. Not today. Today, I have my life.

I want to go. I want to fly away...I do. The world is way to incredible to stay here. So many good people, so many bad. I want to meet them all. I want to be famous. Well, a rock star...

I went to The Abbey tonight, a gay coffe house. It was so much fun. Kayla is such an amazing person. I love her so much. I think If I could be in love with any girl, and let myself. Itd be her.

So kaylas ex showe dup tonight. He wished death upon her...YOU BEST BET I TORE HIM A NEW ASS WHOLE! R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!! Right, Rob? "Im kinda a big deal, people know me."

Shit, I hope Tyler gets home safe, he was drinking in teh car. FUUUCk. how could I let that happen? LORD-PLEASE LET HIM GET HOME SAFELY. <3

"YOUVE GOTTA FAST CAR. IS FAST ENOUGH FOR US TO FLY AWAY?"

Im getting outta here and quick! You watch for me on TV! Hopefully, not on teh missing childrens list. Cause im just a kiddo.

"I WANNA SLEEP MY WAY TO THE TOP! CAUSE I WANNA BE POPULAR!"

I am so random. I feel so good about myself right now. I love all of you. Please be safe.

I MISS MY MISTER, SO.

JUSTIN-At least when I quote people or books I use quotations. hhahah
HOPE TO SEE YOU soon!

WAIT, THEY DONT LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE YOU!!! <---not directed to anyone impeticular, Justin, dont let your head get to big. ^.~

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 03:27:48 GMT

Dyed my hair. Its dark red. It reminds me of an old lady's hair. I dont think I like it, at all. I had to dye it twice for it even to look decent. The first time it look gray and orange. I had to dye it though...its so fried. Its falling out like madd.

I met this boy...I dont want to rush into anything though...or give out to much information since he has an Lj!

But hes neat.

My parents are going to be gone saturday night and sunday day. I think Im staying with Kayla. That should be fun. A while ago I asked Kayla to download a song for me and I was scimming through her computer song thingys and found it. It made my day that she remembered.

Sunday Im supposed to hang out with Tyler, the guitarist from the DISPLEASED! GUESS WHO IS SO EXCITED?! Meee! That should be great. We'll see.

I think Im going to post my poems up sometime when I dont feel lazy. I think I want to paint. -Thats all.

123-45678910

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 18:49:49 GMT

123...Thats what the scale says this morning.

I dont know wheather to be excited or worried. I guess Im excited. I didnt plan loosing more wieght yet. I dont know how I did it. But 11 pounds in a month and a half isnt to big of a victory. I think its 16 pounds is the max healthy wieght loss in a month. 4lbs a week. I think. Or is it two pounds a week? Im not sure, acually.I guess Im 11 pounds under wieght for my hieght, though. I dont see that. If I can still pinch my stomach I still ahve a bit to loose.

I'm glad I only have like two friends on here so I know my secrets arent going far. heh.
KiSs.Me.MiSTeR.

Church bells a callin'

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 06:59:34 GMT

I ran into an old fiend today. . .

He asked me to go to bible study with him. I went, for him. I'm not sure how I feel about it, though. Religion to me just seems way to personal to speak aloud.

I mean I dont have a particular religion and I dont put down those who do. . . I just dont understand how people can speak of it as they do. Does that make since? Probably not.

Sometimes I envy people with faith, sometimes I envy people that just dont give a fuck.

I think I think way to much. I think until I am thinking about thinking. NO JOKE! I never used to think about everything. I used to be able to shut it all out. I would like that right now.
I just find it so difficult to comprihend faith, in general. Hm...I'll just tell myself what I always do..live in the moment.
mhmmm...a cigarette sounds good.

KiSs.Me.MiSTeR

No one reads my LJ...I LOVE IT.

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 15:50:59 GMT

I'm in an amazing mood today.

I'm not sure why, but I wont question it.

I love when you just wake up and you feel really skinny. Thats how I feel...almost invisible, this morning...i like it, a lot.

Kaylas grounded and that sucks. I think Im going to call her and ask her why. Hm.

I am currently babysitting. After this week only two more days to babysit...THEN THE DISPLEASED CONCERT AT LOGOS THE 12th...then school.

Mom and Dad decided I need to go back to Center Grove because the book fees are due Monday and its so close to school starting. meh, whatever. I just want to meet new people thats all, exciting people. heh.

Flying like a Feather,
MiSs.Me.MiSTeR.
Cocaine NoseJob! <--I swear the more I look at my user name and shit, the more I hate it. heh. WHATEVA.

I HATE S.S.

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 02:17:11 GMT

I miss him.

I feel so betraied, lonely, not to mention lost.

I only knew him for a short time. I trusted him, I did. I trusted a guy for the first time in I dont know how long. And he left me. . . He told me he wanted to help me. I believed him. I dont know if Im mad at him for leaving or mad at myself for letting my guard down.

Im was so weak. I cried in front of him,I couldnt help it! He was so incredible. I would have given him anything in the world, and thats weakness. Thanks, a lot Jackass. BROKEN EARTS ARE FOR PUSSIES! <3

KiSs.Me.MiSteR

stampeed.

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 20:58:02 GMT

The echoing of my feet against the steps as I run up the stairs. It makes me sick.The way I look at myself in mirrors...or the way I look in mirrors, I hate it.

I dont mean to sound so shallow. I wish I wasnt so shallow. But I honestly think I would rather die than be fat. (134lbs...eww.)I know I am not fat, I just wish I was more, I dunno...flat? I dont mean to be just a complainee...I am annoied by people who complain about thier wieght...I plan to take action. I will take actions. I just dont know what yet. I already diet but I dont seem to be loosing anymore. Maybe I should get into a sport. I dont know if i have the energy, though. I dont know if I could handle being back on the swim team, again, with all the girls looking slender and me feeling like I stick out...Im just rambling. Excuse me. KiSses.KaTie

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 20:23:26 GMT

I feel like im going to vomite.

I just ate a shit load of sloppy joe meat...

I dont remember the last time ive eaten meat. I feel bloated and sick. BLAHHH!

<3

Yes, Im Through.

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 16:52:26 GMT

how do I feel? I wish I knew. . .

I feel really hallow today. Empty.
Im sick of fake smiles and white trash girls that wear swim suits instead of under wear.
I want to go to the canal. I love it there. That would make me smile.

Smile a genuine smile.

"I woke up in pain today, felt my life slip away. Saw the sky change from blue to grey. I feel myself fading away. Shadow of dreams and broken homes. I know I'll die young and alone. Broken homes and shadow of dreams, things arent what they always seem. I know I'll die young and alone." -The Displeased

I hate myself like this, Im going to snap out of it real quick.

I love how music can change your emotions.

Ode To Kayla

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 16:37:46 GMT

This is just a thanks. . .

Kayla,

Thank you so much, darling for always making me feel like Im worth something. You have no idea how much you boost my ego, constantly.

KiSs.KaTie

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 12:15:11 GMT

No concert at Bubbas.

Posted neew pictures on Myspace. www.myspace.com/planejane

SHakes at Baskin Robins suck for 6 fucking $!

I had a dream that i had a heart attack this morning, it was strange. Then I had a dream I watched a boy get murded like you see on unsolved mysterious, where you know the whole story. heh. Cant sleep.

Sleep deprived? Imagine that.

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 00:13:38 GMT

Smoked 3 cigars. No cigarettes.
My mouth tastes like some one shit in it, hah.
Mom and Dad are "thinking" about letting me go to Bubbas tomorrow.
Might go to Perry Meridian this year. But if I get to switch schools I have to be in a sport all year around. Damn. I dont know which ones worse.

Perry would switch shit up a bit and lifes getting pretty bland. I love meeting new people.
whateva.

Contrary to popular belief I am not a user.

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 04:43:52 GMT

I decided that myspace was getting a little old and fast so here I am.

Grounded. Theres not much to write about since I'm grounded. I am extremely excited about concert on sunday...Hopefully I can go. I dont know whos playing. I was just invited to tag along. heh. I guess its the last showing at Bubbas Bowling Alley EVER! Good, that venue sucks.

I'm almost glad about going back to school. I get like that every year around this time. But when I get there, even after I make myself promises to put forth effort, I remember how much I despise the place. The people. Thier all assholes. I actually wrote a poem about my peers. Have a look.

Shallow-
Wretched soul gaping out
I look around me, at my peers
Hallowed out eyes is all I see
No depth
No soul
Only fears
All dressed a like, lives ruined by comforming.

Sometimes I wonder if I just want to fit in. Maybe thats boring. Maybe I'm just bord. Everythings getting old and quick. A change would be nice. Some one new in my life, even. More later.

Wasted,
Cocaine-NoseJob or is it no straw? whatever.