| I love You.. |
[12 Oct 2005|05:38pm] |
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Everything has been so magical lately I just havent had time to write. Zach and I are doing so well. I never thought it was possible to love someone so fucking much. I am so in love. He is my everything.-And I dont even feel weak saying so. But I just wanted to pop in real quick and let everyone know. Hes on his way from work so I better hop in the shower. <3
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| Dietary Affairs |
[24 Aug 2005|09:08pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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Alanis |
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Im floating on clouds.
Zach called me on his break at work. Maybe Im just excited because I feel like Im in control. MAybe I over analyze everything... I wish my moods didnt depend so much on guys...but its okay for now. Because for now Im great.
x x x
Pass me a drink.
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| numb numb numb |
[24 Aug 2005|06:19pm] |
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mood |
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 numb |
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music |
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None |
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I really feel numb. Or I guess I dont feel numb I just dont feel at all.
Ive been talking to this guy, Zach, and he really likes me, so he says. But I dont know how I feel about him. I like the attention and I like the way he looks. I like the way he kisses me. But is that him? I cant tell.
Anthony, one of my Exs called today. Supposedly He falls deeper in love ever time we speak. I cant help but call bulshiit. Hes leaving for Chicago Sunday and wants me to see him before hand. I dont know. I dont really care to. Or maybe I do? I just dont know.
Seth, Mr SS in my entries, wants to be good friends and have sex from time to time because our lives are boring and "we can pretend like we're filling voids." Fuck that! I did like him. I know I did. But Ive been used enough.
Maybe being with Zach wouldnt be bad at all. Hes super sweet and I think hes just as crazy as I am. He took me to school today, he doesnt even go to school!! He bought me cigarettes and a chocolate shake, boy he knows how to get to my heart!
Im jsut in a bad mood...thats all.
Tyler comes home from Texas this weekend, Im excited. Thats kinda why Im putting things on hold with Zach...Tyler makes me really happy. But I know he doesnt want to be with me. Maybe I dont want to be with him either. Im not sure.
I sound like the biggest slut. Fuck it. I dont care anymore.
Schools getting to me a bit. People there are so harsh. None of them like me. Some one told me I looked like a lesbian today-whatever. He said a pretty lesbian. Guys are soooo dumb. I need a nap so I can pretend liek I am craddled in some ones arms.
My nose is stuffy and clogged. I feel like shit. I wish some one would come hold me and not expect anything more. Just lay there with me.
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| survey |
[22 Aug 2005|12:53am] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Pulp Fiction sound track |
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Body: Taken from :
bonnieblue
LET'S BE HONEST NOW!!
In the last 24 Hours have you...
1. Had sex:--no
2. Bought something:--no
3. Gotten sick:--no
4. Sang:--yes
5. Been kissed:--no
6. ate something:--yes, tators
7. Felt stupid:--yes
8. Talked to an ex:--yes
9. Missed someone:--meh
10. Hugged someone:--yes, kayla
Last person who....
1. Slept in your bed:--Kayla...lol
2. Saw you cry :--Josh Penelle
3. Made you cry:--S.S.
4. You went to the movies with:--Justin and Kayla
5. You went to the mall with:--Kayla, i think
6. One thing you could take back:--my age
Have You Ever...
1. Said "I Love You" and meant it:--To my dog.
2. Got in a fight with your pet:--WHAT THE FUCK? yeah, i kick her around all the time!
3. Been to California:--i will
4. Been to Mexico:--newp
5. Been to China:--newp
6. Been to Canada:--newp
7. Been to Europe:--newp
8. Wished you were the opposite sex:--for a weekend...long enough to stick my dick in the mayo jar and put it back in the fridge and be inside a girl and a guy...lol...i think about this a lot.
Random...
1. Do you have a crush on someone:--if you say you dont your lying...
2. What book are you reading now:--i dont know what its called its down stairs. ts a diary of poems.
3. Worst feeling in the world:--failure,rejection
4. Future KIDS names:--Karma Kay, Bettie Paige, Zim Michael
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal:--i cuddle with my pilla or Kayla
6. What's under your bed:--ONLY GAWD KNOWS WHAT!!!
7. Favorite sport to watch:--i dont care fir jocks or sports...
8. Location:--IN
9. Piercing/Tattoos:--ears 14 times and belly used to be twic but now just once and an ugly scar
10. Do you drink:--YEEEES!!!
11. What are you most scared of right now:--Humf,being pushed through a screen door like play-do through a plastic spaghetti maker that fisher price makes.
12. Where do you want to get married:--meh-i dunno.
13. Who do you really hate:--people ignoring me,white trash,close minded people,adptible girls,CENETGROVEHIGHSCHOOL and liars
14. Do you have a job:--nope
15. Do you like being around people:--yes
16. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with?:--yes
17. Have you ever cried:--yes
18. Are you lonely right now:--nahhh...
19. Song that's stuck in your head a lot:--Roseanne theme song.
Have you Ever:
1. Been in love:-- whos to know these days?
2. Played strip poker:--yes
3. Gotten beaten up:--I REFUUUUSE! i'll kick yo ass fo askin', ho!
4. Done an all-nighter:--trying to now but yes, many times before.
5. Been on radio/TV:--newp
6.Been in a mosh-pit:--yeppa yeppa-DILLENGERS EXCAPE PLAN'swas the best mosh ever!
7. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends:--tons
8. Skinny dipped:--ahahahahaha....i do own a pooooool
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| The Cosby Show |
[15 Aug 2005|10:08pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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JackOffJill |
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No, actually school wasnt that bad. It went by really fast, which is nice. =)
I looked pretty cute today which is a rarity for school days. Waking up at five and all.
Kayla comes home tomorrow. We cant hang out til Friday. But thats okay.
-We have a goal this weekend, Kayla and I, TO FIND KATIE(<--me) A J-O-B!
Why do people always spell it out? Like a curse word. Dumb fucks.
Im kinda looking foward to school again tomorrow, its something to do. Something to occupy the ever turning wheels in my head.
I had a long talk about revolution and evolution with dad today. His talks are the best when hes drunk. No joke. I tressure the times when we actually get along. Him and I are so much alike.
Well I have to pee. Night.
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| Mashed Tators |
[13 Aug 2005|02:29pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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yeahyeahyeahs |
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Didnt wake up til one. Mom and Dad are being jerks about me eating. I mean I do eat...Im just really picky.
Sometimes I wish I could eat like a normal human, burger after burger after burger. Sometimes I wish I could get hungry three times a day, but I dont anymore.
I think I feel sorry for myself way to often. Well thats what Mom says, but its hard not to mope around when your so missunderstood. None of this maks sense to you, Im sure. Thats okay. I dont o this for you, I do it for me.
I miss Kayla. Shes in TN until Sunday night. I miss her a lot, actually. Shes the one that always makes me feel so so special. I bet Id eat for her...Like normal food, if she asked. Maybe I wouldnt. Im not sure.
School starts Monday, woot! Hopefully I can keep a possitive frame of mind. Im gonna try. =)
Ive been thinking about just leaving...picking up and going and never coming back. But theyd find me. They always do. Then Id end up in juvy and theyd get me fat there. If i wouldnt eat there Im sure theyd send me somewhere else. Im fixing my entries to friends only starting today. I dont want anyone else else to know my bussiness. <--if I could spell.
JUSTIN-WRITE ME?!
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[13 Aug 2005|01:53am] |
The displeased concert was awesome. They got banned from Logos...the venue...for drinking there. Ahaha! niiiice, Tyler.
Tyler was super sweet. A charming drunk.
He might be moving...to Texas, soon. Its a SS all over again. Guys suck.
Anywho, Iv been concidering emancipation. I plan on looking into it. Ive already emailed a lawyer. Maybe Im just bored with my life and want to do what I want...if that makes sense. I alreday have two placs to live, possible three. I dont think its a bad idea. I think Id truely be hapier taking care of myself. Meh-I dunno. I'll keep you updated. <3
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| Roseanne theme song |
[10 Aug 2005|02:20am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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I feel bad.
Kayla, Im sorry Im always so controlling torward you. Its just I see you deserving better friends...I know that sounds bad. Whatever. You know I love you.
I really need to sleep. Work is tomorrow. Ew. And its late. Night.
DISPLEASED FRIDAY! eeek! SO EXCITED.
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[08 Aug 2005|07:41pm] |
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mood |
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 determined |
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music |
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TAKING BACK SUNDAY |
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So my entry intotled ''I HATE SS''...Hes coming back...to town to stay.
I dont know ho I feel about it. I think I wish he wasnt. But sometims Im glad he is?
I wont do it. I wont be weak again. I dont want to be down on myself because of him.I can do that, no help needed.
I do miss him. But lets let it b a secret between you and I. He'd think I was weak. But like I said, he will not be given a second chance, not over my dead body...thats just not possible. I cant be taht stupid twice.
Mean are idiots.
PS
I really like a boy...and that helps a little.
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| INCREDIBLE |
[07 Aug 2005|12:11am] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
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music |
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The Yeah Yeah Yeahs |
] |
I feel so incredible.
I feel like I could conquer the would-here and now.
Starting from zero I got nothing to loss.
Me, myself Ive got nothin' to prove.
=)
I finally see what it is to be living.
"See my old mans gotta a problem,'Stay with the bottle, thats the way it is'. Says, 'his bodies to old for working', his bodies too old to look like his. Mama went off and left him. theres more in the world he could get. "
That used to make me so sad. It reminds me of dad. Not today. Today, I have my life.
I want to go. I want to fly away...I do. The world is way to incredible to stay here. So many good people, so many bad. I want to meet them all. I want to be famous. Well, a rock star...
I went to The Abbey tonight, a gay coffe house. It was so much fun. Kayla is such an amazing person. I love her so much. I think If I could be in love with any girl, and let myself. Itd be her.
So kaylas ex showe dup tonight. He wished death upon her...YOU BEST BET I TORE HIM A NEW ASS WHOLE! R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!! Right, Rob? "Im kinda a big deal, people know me."
Shit, I hope Tyler gets home safe, he was drinking in teh car. FUUUCk. how could I let that happen? LORD-PLEASE LET HIM GET HOME SAFELY. <3
"YOUVE GOTTA FAST CAR. IS FAST ENOUGH FOR US TO FLY AWAY?"
Im getting outta here and quick! You watch for me on TV! Hopefully, not on teh missing childrens list. Cause im just a kiddo.
"I WANNA SLEEP MY WAY TO THE TOP! CAUSE I WANNA BE POPULAR!"
I am so random. I feel so good about myself right now. I love all of you. Please be safe.
I MISS MY MISTER, SO.
JUSTIN-At least when I quote people or books I use quotations. hhahah
HOPE TO SEE YOU soon!
WAIT, THEY DONT LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE YOU!!! <---not directed to anyone impeticular, Justin, dont let your head get to big. ^.~
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